Monday, December 23, 2002

I'm feeling very sad but I feel a lot less angry than I did a few hours ago. I did what I said I would, I put some Clash on, loud, and had a cry. When Mark came home for a break this morning he hadn't heard the news yet so he figured that I was just "rocking out" while I did my housework. He was a little surprised at the news but not completely. We've heard about so many deaths recently that it's getting hard to be shocked about such things I guess. I felt totally gutted when I read about Joe's death,'s hard to explain. The shock manifested itself in a really physical way and I felt like I was going to be ill.

I can't honestly say that I have any kind of "christmas" spirit left (whatever that is anyway). The snow we got on Saturday is gone and the sky is grey. The ground is mucky and brown. It's mild but damp outside. It doesn't feel like a festive time, a time for celebrating...I'll be happy to see the end of December. We need a new year, a fresh start, and we need it to get here quickly.

I did manage to get my houswork done though. I started last night and did the downstairs, I did the upstairs and the washroom this morning. At least the house is finally clean. I've got laundry to do today. A friend of mine is home from school this week and she'll be here in a couple of hours for a visit. I've got more baking to do but I'm not sure how much of it I'll actually get to. I wish I felt more like getting into this stuff but I just don't.

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