Over the weekend, the more I thought about Cen Yam's judgement, the more upset I got. At one point, while I was driving to pick Mark up from work on Saturday afternoon, I started crying. Earlier in the day, I had cleaned out our old Toyota Tercel (it has to go to car heaven - it won't pass an emissions test this year and it is 13 years old so...) and found an old mixed tape that I had made in '99. I threw it into the player in the Buick and, when I got in to go get Mark, turned it on. It was a good tape of mostly girl singers. I was driving north on Montreal Street, singing along with Kirsty to Soho Square when I just burst into tears...it was at that line "in case I die before my birthday..." I almost pulled the car over because I was unsure that I could navigate through the busy traffic. Fortunately, through my tears, I saw the left turn I had to make and was off the busy road and on a quiet side street. I felt absolutely gutted. I remember feeling that exact same way the day that I learned of her death.