The latest street danger? Walking and texting
There are those who believe that the pattern etched by humanity across the great book of world history is one of linear progression. Of improvement. Of advance. Of some nebulous but discernible form of betterment. Those are the people who have not yet heard the news that Brick Lane in east London has started padding its lampposts to prevent those who use its thoroughfare from suffering "walk and text" injuries.
In case anyone reading this is one of the 68,000 individuals who apparently interfaced thus with street furniture in London last year (mostly resulting in cuts and bruises, but with a fair proportion of broken noses, cheekbones and one fractured skull in the mix too) and therefore is self-evidently stupid enough to need the problem further delineated, these are injuries caused by people who do not understand the importance of peripheral vision. Until, that is, they compromise it by texting as they walk along the street and into lampposts, signs, bollards and other pedestrians.
Researchers (admittedly the self-interested variety) from a text information company have found that 44% of people are in favour of padding street furniture, while 27% favour "mobile motorways" - coloured lines running down the pavement that texters can follow without fear of meeting immoveable objects. But why stop there? Why not take the following, equally simple protective measures:
· A sherpa on every corner, to usher the texter safely through the crowded streets.
· Replace cars with tyreless chambers running along fixed rails to enable "drivers" to text more safely.
· A stairlift in every home to negate the possibility of tripping up or downstairs while urgently texting your friend or family member about your plans for 2nite.
Funding for all these measures could easily be incorporated in the abolition of personal responsibility (last vestiges) bill, at its third reading tomorrow in the House of Commons. Unless of course it is vetoed on the grounds that if we don't let these Darwinian thinnings of the herd play out occasionally, we are all going to drown in a pool of stupidity.
We shl C.
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