fond farewell to a friend

Two weeks ago today I said goodbye to my beautiful eskie boy Sam.

Sammy

I had no idea how things would go but I knew that I wanted to be strong for him. I wanted him to have a peaceful, dignified death and I didn't want him to be frightened or upset by what was going on.  Looking back, I think that I was able to give him that.

As you know, Sam had been diagnosed with heart failure caused by a mass which was growing in his heart.  The presence of the mass was making the good part of his heart work double time, causing it to be enlarged and fluid was collecting around his heart and in his lungs. 

The little cough he had over the summer was getting worse.  On the advice of his vet, I had doubled his medication after a particularly bad night but I knew that the end was getting near.  I didn't want him to die alone, on the floor in the house somewhere, having coughed himself to death in the night.  I wanted to be there with him, holding him tight and letting him know how much he was loved. That is exactly what happened.

On his last day, he was pretty weak.  The coughing spells were getting deeper and closer together.  There were a few times when I thought that he may not make it to his 6 p.m. appointment at the vet. He made it though.  He had a whole breast of boneless chicken for his dinner that evening and, for the first time in weeks, no meds.  He wouldn't be needing them.

He was his goofy self on the drive up there.  My friend John drove as I wasn't entirely sure of how I'd be.  On the way to the vet, it was dark and a little rainy and I remember the night Sammy came home with us for the first time.  It was a dark and stormy Thursday evening too, just before Easter so we had a four day weekend to spend with our new doggy.  Seemed like a million years ago and 5 minutes had passed at the same time.

When we got to the vet, which is in a rural area, we had a little walk around so he could sniff everywhere (as Tim, another eskie guardian says, "reading the pee-mail"), leave a pee (and a poop) and do a little post-poop happy dance in the wet grass.  There were a couple of women in the waiting area when we entered the vets.  Sam was a good looking boy and there aren't very many eskies around here so as I was used to seeing, they were all over him.  He went right up to them to say hello and I told them he wouldn't be going home tonight.  Their faces just fell and I explained that he had cancer in his heart and it was time. 

I had talked to the vet and read about how the process works, he'd be given sedation, fall asleep and then be administered the drug to stop his poor, sick, heart.  The whole thing would take between 10 and 20 minutes.  Sam, of course, had other plans.  He was hopping around, standing on his hind legs for hugs, smiling and kissing me.  I smiled back and kissed him and hugged him and talked to the vet.  We got him settled and Sam was given the first shot.  He took it like a champ (it can sting I was told).  He didn't fall asleep though, not at first, not after 5 minutes, not after 15 minutes...it took my boy 40 minutes to stop fighting the sedation and fall asleep.  I think part of it was he could hear John's voice out in the waiting area and he kept turning his head toward the door.  I just held him close to me and talked and sang to him, for 40 minutes. 

I sang him all of the silly songs I made up for the dogs and told him how much I loved him, about how much all of his friends loved him, how much we would all miss him... I gave him a "punch in the head" from my brother (it was a really cute thing Patrick and Sam did together)... I talked about some of the adventures we'd had, about doggy friends and cousins who he'd known (who were gone now ...Bella, Basil, Bubbles...).  I even reminded him about the incredible super-dog, Mighty Spartacus of Massachusetts... I really don't believe in an afterlife for people but I like the idea of the Rainbow Bridge for dogs so we talked a lot about that, about how he'd see all of those dogs and Mark when he got there.  I sure hope I'm totally wrong and that place exists because Sam totally deserves a place like that. 

When it was finally over, I called John in.  We both kissed Sam goodbye and left.  I felt strangely peaceful after and I realized that it was because for the first time in weeks I wasn't worried and terrified.  Sam wasn't coughing or possibly in pain or frightened and everything I was so concerned about was over now.

The house has been weirdly quiet for the last two weeks, even with three dogs still there.  Sam was a bit of a jerk about barking and I would have to haul his butt into the house at least once a day to stop him barking at another dog in the neighbourhood who was also barking (he never started it but always wanted to end it).  Gracie was really sad and out of it the first week.  The second week was a bit stranger for her and the little girls because my roommate was away so they've been home alone while I've been at work.  She's due home this afternoon and I"m sure that those dogs won't be letting her out of their sight for a while!

While making the decision and saying goodbye to my Sammy was probably the hardest thing I've never done, I know it was absolutely the right thing to do for him.  I miss him like crazy but given what we were dealing with, I wouldn't have done it any other way. 

My Sammy is sick

Sammy

Since April, Sam's had a bit of a cough on and off.  When we went to the vet for his annual checkup in April, the doctor listened to his heart and lungs and didn't hear anything irregular.  We both sort of thought it was down to Sam's seasonal allergies (he inherited that from me).  Toward the end of the summer, the cough got a bit deeper but was still pretty intermittent.

Over the past couple of weeks, it got pretty bad.  Again, the weather has been strange, windy and hot and my allergies have been bad so I sort of thought that his might be too but I was keeping a close eye on him.  We started to notice some weakness in his legs.  They would tremble sometimes and he started taking little breaks on walks.  The strangest thing was that he was off his food a bit (still ate but picked at it, only got really excited if it was something sort of smelly).

The weekend was pretty tough and I got him back into the vet yesterday.  I wasn’t sure what we were dealing with.  I thought it could be heartworm (he’s on a preventative but who knows right?), possible COPD (not uncommon in senior dogs and he’s 10 now), a flu/pneumonia or lung cancer.  It turns out that when he saw the vet, his heart was beating out of control, he had arrhythmia.  Not good.  Many dogs have heart murmurs but arrhythmia was uncommon.  Sam went for a chest x-ray and the results were alarming.  His heart his severely enlarged.  This could be caused by a couple of things:  heart disease or a malignant tumour in his heart.  If it’s heart disease, that’s treatable and if he responded well to medication, he could have some good years ahead of him.  If it’s cancer, well, that’s bad.  There is also a possibility, regardless of which thing it is, that he could die suddenly at any time due to his condition.

We were sent home with some drugs to try.  He’s taking Vetmedin (Pimobendan) which is used to manage congestive heart failure.  He's getting one 1.25 mg pill every 12 hours, one 20 mg Furosemide (similar to Lasix, treats build of fluid due to heart disease  - he presently has some fluid in his lungs that was seen on the X-ray) and one 5 mg Fortekor (benazepril hydrochloride) which is used to treat heart failure.  Next week we’ll go back for another X-ray.  They will be able to tell if the medication is helping and if it doesn’t seem to be doing anything, Sam will need an echocardiogram so we can find out if there is a growth or not.

It’s scary.  I was a mess driving home from Sydenham.  I cried pretty much all of the way home.  He’s been such a good sport.  Sam’s being great about taking his meds and is being his good old goofy self (which makes this easier and harder at the same time).  I have no idea what the next few weeks are going to be like for him (or me) but I’m going to spend as much time as possible with him while we figure out what is going on.  He can be a bit of jerk at times but he’s my jerk and I love him.  Since Mark died, he gets onto my bed every night and keeps me company.  I can’t imagine what I’m going to do without him but I’m trying not to think about that right now.

Gracie's Mouse

So when you live in a house with a partner, or roommate, normally there is some division of labour, either formal or informal.  Mark and I didn’t have a formal arrangement but usually, we both stuck to things we were better at.  Obviously, he was better at cooking than I, I did a better job on the laundry than he would.  Some things though, neither of us were any better at than the other but somehow, one of us would do the lion’s share of it.  For example, I would clean the bathroom and he would kill critters.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that Gracie was definitely stalking some prey.  She was bouncing around, a bit like a cat, near the bathroom door and then running down the hallway toward the kitchen.  I soon realized that she was after a mouse.  Imagine, a mouse in the house! This was the first mouse we’d seen since moving back into the house (a few years ago, Mark dismantled a mouse condo in the basement but that’s another story).  Mark believed that whenever we saw a solo mouse, in the daytime that the poor thing probably suffered from intellectual disabilities.  The next day I watched this silly mouse run around the living room, barely escaping Gracie’s reach.


Later that night, we were in the bedroom and she was growling softly and trying to squeeze herself in between the dresser and the wall (not possible).  Frustrated, she would pace in front of the dresser, growling, ears pointed high, tail up.  I didn’t see the mouse but I knew his days were numbered.  Fast forward to last Saturday.  I’m in the master bathroom and I can hear a mouse in the wall.  At this point, I’m pretty convinced that this is just one mouse. I had not seen evidence that there was more than one around and I think he probably got into the house via the doggy door and was not able to figure out that he could leave by the same route!

Again, Gracie was pacing and trying to find her foe.  I sort of forgot about it and went on about my day.  I ended up cooking some chicken in the crock pot.  When it was finished and the pot had cooled down, I was going to put it in the dishwasher.  I decided against it though because the dishwasher was empty and I wasn’t sure I’d not be using the crock pot again before I ran the dishwasher.  I put it in the sink and filled it up with hot soapy water.  Promptly, I forgot all about it and ended up going to bed with it still soaking in the sink (something I NEVER do).

When I got up on Sunday morning, I remembered what I’d done and turned the hot water on, grabbed a scrubber and started to clean the crock pot.  I kept feeling something brushing against my hand and I thought, “wow, that is a big piece of chicken I left in there.”  After a second, I saw a stiff mouse tail sticking up out of the water and realized that our mouse buddy had drowned in the soapy chicken water. 

Gracie’s mouse was well and truly dead!!  I showed her the mouse and she snorted and walked away.  Apparently, when we have to, we can kill the critters too!

Introducing Gracie

Introducing Gracie
Originally uploaded by Julep67

Four years ago today, we welcomed a sweet, frightened, timid Sheltie girl named "Gracie Mae" into our home.

She's changed so much since that first day when she shook like a leaf in my arms as we drove home with her. As frightened as she was, she ran toward Sam as soon as she spotted him in our backyard. They were fast friends from the second they laid eyes on each other.

In the four years since she adopted us, we dropped the Mae and have watched her evolve into a more confident dog. She herds all of us, Sam included and now accepts tummy rubs and ear scratched (on her own terms) and is always happy to meet new people. Gracie is one of the kissy-est dogs I've ever met and I can't imagine our lives without her in them.

Happy Barkaversary Sweet Gracie and thank you for making our world a better place!

a drug free butt

Sam has now been drug-free for a week. Hopefully the drugs are now out of his system by now. He was given his last dose of antibiotics a week ago. At breakfast and dinner, for three weeks, I crushed up pills and put them into a tiny bit of wet dog food for him. Of course, Gracie had to have some wet food too, just to keep things fair.

His poor bum really went through the ringer in January. He had 4 visits to the vet, two courses of antibiotics and probably more fingers up his butt than he would have like (like, 1 would probably have been too many). After a week, he was definitely on the mend and at the first follow up appointment, he was healing well but still had some infection, hence the second course of drugs. The new ones were stronger than the first and I was afraid that his stomach would be pretty upset (mine usually is with amoxicillin) but he seemed to tolerate it pretty well. He still had two small holes where the abscess had happened and there was some puss coming out. Infections in the butt area are nothing to mess with and fortunately, he’s a pretty healthy and hardy guy so he was improving each time we went back to see the vet.

Last week, we had our fourth and final checkup and he was totally healed, completely free of infection (yay!). He even got the all clear to go for an overdue grooming appointment (which we did on Sunday). Gracie is still wondering why she’s not getting a tiny dish of wet food at mealtime but Sam doesn’t seem to be missing it. I can’t imagine that the food tasted as good as it should, with crushed up pills added to it!

stray dogs being killed in Baghdad

If I was smarter, I wouldn't watch this stuff. Unfortunately, I did watch it and it made me so sad and angry. It really makes me appreciate how lucky we (and our dogs) are to live in this part of the world. I'm sure that the folks who are responsible for this aren't any happier about it than we are but there must be a better way to deal with this problem.

KP Watch Tower

KP Watch Tower
Originally uploaded by Julep67

I cannot get over how spamilicious twitter is getting. I suppose that happens when an application's popularity grows but goodness it's annoying.

How's your Tuesday going so far? I'm having a good day at work, getting stuff done, learning some cool things and just generally not minding being here. Not minding being at the office is pretty important, wouldn't you agree?

Tonight we have lesson 4 out of 8 in our obedience training course with Sam. On the weekend, we bought an agility course kit for the back yard and we're going to set that up after the lawn is cut. I think that Sam will be able to do all of the stunts on the course. I'm particularly looking forward to him doing the high jump. He can jump really high, particularly if there is a treat (or the promise of a treat) involved. It's also got a stop watch and an award ribbon so, no matter what happens, Sam will win!!

peeking sam

peeking sam
Originally uploaded by Julep67

I have this weird thing happening that feels like a cold only it's strange. I have been coughing a bit and blowing my nose but I'm not super congested, I just have this weird taste in my mouth. I drink gallons of water, chew gum, brush my teeth but nothing makes it go away. It's odd and I'm not happy about it. I really don't want it to erupt into a full blown cold so I'm fighting it. Last night I got almost no sleep from the cold meds I took so I am not taking those tonight. It's a weird circle.

We're still introducing Sam to our friends. He's not overly crazy about men so far. Mark, he loves. My dad, he was indifferent to. On Saturday, Mark's friend Tom came over for coffee. Now Tom is both a smoker and a cat owner. Sam barked at him for a while but eventually he stopped barking and fell asleep on the floor in the kitchen where the guys were chatting.

Tonight, our friend Andy came over to help Mark measure up some stuff for a project we're starting on our deck. Sam was in the back yard when Andy got here. He and Mark went out onto the deck and Sam went bananas. Mark brought him back into the house and nothing I could do would calm him down. I guess it was partly because Andy is also a smoker / cat owner but also because he was caught off guard by having Andy walk into his yard. Normally, Sam's in the front window, keeping a watchful eye on the door and driveway. Maybe it was just the fact that Andy just appeared. Whatever it was, hope it passes. Poor Sam really got himself worked up into a state.

It feels like I only have doggy news these days but for the past week or so, that's really all we've had going on. I'm working pretty long days right now and between that, and the cold symptoms of the past few days, playing with the dog and doing some minimal housework is about all we've been managing.

I will say this, I love my white, fluffy dog but boy howdy, it takes me twice as long to vacuum as I used to and I do it twice as often. I'm not complaining though, just saying, really.

little sweetie

little sweetie
Originally uploaded by Julep67

We had a little tea party at work on Friday and this little doll was there with her mum. Her mum is a colleague who is off on Mat leave. She's a cutie isn't she?

I worked a little bit on the weekend and spent the rest of it pretty much outside, doing stuff with Sam. This past weekend was the first really gorgeous weather we'd experienced this spring. The ice is finally almost melted on our deck and we were able to get the barbecue out of it's snowy prison yesterday. I pulled a couple of chairs from our patio set out as well. We sat in the sunshine and enjoyed the sounds of geese flying north again. Truly an amazing sign of a Canadian spring finally arrived, those geese.

Other than working and doing a few things around the house, oh and playing with Sam, we didn't get up to much. It's good though, this life of ours. Sam has brought so much joy into the house, it's just silly. He's a giant furball of fun and we really really love him. It's soppy but it's true.

go to work and leave me huh?

go to work and leave me huh?
Originally uploaded by Julep67

I guess Sam was a little pissed at us this morning. When Mark got home for lunch, he discovered that Sam had destroyed an entire box of tissue, two coasters and pill bottle. Fortunately, it doesn't appear that he ate any of the pills.

He's got a real thing for tissues and we should have put them up I guess. Bella was an older dog and we didn't have to worry about stuff like this. With Sam being a puppy still, he's a little rambunctious so, this isn't entirely shocking.

A friend at work suggested that I leave out some newspapers. She did this with her dog and apparently, he would shred the papers and then go off and have his day. He got his aggression and anger out on the papers and then it was out of his system.

I also got him another kong toy and will put some peanut butter in it before we go to work. I hope that if he gets a little treat before we leave, he'll not feel like trashing the place after we leave!

giant sleeping fur ball

giant sleeping fur ball
Originally uploaded by Julep67

happy monday.

I think that half of the planet, well maybe just half of our town and most of Ottawa had today off. When I got to campus this morning, I think you could have rolled a bowling ball down the middle of University Avenue and not hit a person or car. It was spooky quiet until after 11 a.m. or so.

Today, I needed to contact some folks in Ottawa for some work related stuff but that wasn't really going to happen today. Government offices were not open today. Oh well, there's always tomorrow, right?

Sam stayed home by himself today while we went to work. After much discussion we decided to let him have the run of the living room, my office and the kitchen today. Mark came home a couple of times during the day to check on Sam and he was okay. No accidents could be found and his new favourite perch seems to be on the arm of the couch, staring out the window. He's got such a happy face, it's neat to see when you drive up the street.

When we walked in the door, he was very excited to see us. It took about 10 minutes for him to calm down. His little heart was just pounding so hard. I must admit, I was really really happy to get home to him too. I almost couldn't wait for that last 30 minutes to pass before I left the office this afternoon. I think I finally understand what puppy love is all about!

Teddy

Teddy
Originally uploaded by Julep67

Today has been a very good day.

Right now, as I type this, I've got Abbey Road on the stereo and a sleeping puppy at my feet. LIfe is good.

I think it's pretty much a given that my posts will be a little puppy-centric for a while.

We had a pretty full day and it was full of firsts for Sam. Since we got him home, he's not met any new folks (although he did bark at a lady who came to the door yesterday trying to sell us a little bit of religion - it was hard to discourage him but we did).

This afternoon, my parents came over for Easter lunch. My mum always does the holiday meals but we thought that it would be a nice change for her to not have to cook or to clean up. When they arrived, Sam was really a good boy. He didn't bark too much, although he wanted to. We have been using some of the Cesar Millan tips we picked up from his show and they are working rather well. I was able to calm him down after Mark got him to sit. He was pretty nervous when they came into the house but eventually he settled down.

For whatever reason, he never really warmed up to my dad. He would go to my mum, very cautiously but even when my dad was offering him a cookie, he wouldn't go near him. I'm sure that the next time we see them, it'll be easier. Sam has had a lot of changes to experience this weekend.

He was pretty well behaved all through dinner. I gave him his kong bone with some peanut butter in it when we sat down and when he was tired of that, he had a nap on the floor in the kitchen (where we were eating).

After mum and dad left, Mark cleaned up the kitchen. We had decided that we should go out for an hour again today, like we did yesterday. I put the crate in the hallway, in, I thought, the same spot Mark and done yesterday. Sam whimpered a bit when we left but he stopped it by the time we were in the driveway. When we pulled into the driveway an hour later, guess who was smiling at us from the living room window? Yeah, Sam. He was pretty happy to see us and we realized that he had been able to get himself between the crate and the wall and therefore out of the kitchen and into the living room.

We didn't have any accidents so, no harm done this time, right? When I walked into the kitchen, Mark was holding a plate in his hand. "How many eggs were on this plate?" I looked and realized that two halves of a hard-boiled egg were missing. Mark had left them on the table. Sam also ate about a cup of cooked potato which was on the table as well. So yeah, no holistic puppy food for him tonight.

This photo is of another puppy. His name was Teddy and he was my aunt's puppy. He was a spitz pekinese and looks a lot like Sam. My mum kindly scanned her Teddy photos and I posted them with our pet photos on flickr.

here comes the sam

introducing sam
Originally uploaded by Julep67

At the end of day two with Sam in the house, things are going much better. We only had one very teensy accident this morning and we even went out for a bit.

Mark went out and did errands this morning while I stayed home with Sam. Later on, this afternoon, we went out together and left Sam in the kitchen. This is what we'll do when we're at work next week. It's a really large, sunny room and his bed and his toys and water and stuff are there. it's also probably the best place to be in case he has another accident because almost all of our house is carpeted (except for the bathrooms, kitchen and my office).

He was very good when we left and was super excited to see us when we returned. All in all, next week shouldn't be too bad. Fortunately, Mark is able to come in the middle of the day which I'm sure will help too.

We're all getting used to each other and I don't know if he's having as much as we are but I think he's enjoying his new surroundings so far.

introducing sam

introducing sam
Originally uploaded by Julep67

We picked up Sam last night after dinner. We got home kind of late (for us). It was after 9:30 I think.

Last night, the first night, none of slept very well and today was busy working with the dog, doing some training and basically getting to know one another.

Of course, this meant that I got none of the things on my to do list done and the house is a bit of a disaster area but it's all good because we have a new puppy. He's sweet, basically a very good and seemingly smart dog. We've had a couple of accidents in the house which I believe are related to the transition from one house to another.

I'll write more about it later on, at the moment I'm beat and hoping to get to bed soon. The end result has been absolutely worthwhile but, if I had it to do over again, I know that there are a few things I would do differently. Having said that, I'm sure we'll all sleep better tonight than we did last night!