CanCon Thursday - From The Night

Let's be young
Let's pretend that we never will die
Let's imagine that no one is lost it's not easy but we got to try

Three years ago today, Mark died.

Three years.

Grief and loss are funny things and they affect people in a million different ways.

For me, the first year, I think I functioned on auto-pilot.  There were important things I needed to do, sell my house and move were at the top of that list.  You go through the motions and folks are very supportive as you navigate all of those "firsts." First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first Mardi Gras (his favourite holiday), first birthdays, and finally, marking the end of the first year since they left you.

Us.

What no one talks about it is how difficult the second year is.  It was gut-wrenchingly difficult for me.  The reality starts to truly set in that the person is gone.  I had never experienced pain and anguish like I did that second year.  It was absolutely awful.

Year three, as it happened, got a bit easier.  In fact, had I not had to deal with the death of my Sam in the middle of year three, I would have said it was a good one.  Overall, I had more good days than bad, I no longer cry every day (year two, I had a cry, sometimes just for a moment, sometimes a big fat ugly one, daily).  I still get upset by certain
things, ambulances with their sirens on while I'm in traffic, I'm still no good in large crowds of people and it seems to take me forever to read a book but, overall, things are good.

Took a while to figure out what I was doing and where I was going after Mark died.  Losing your partner, the person who you had it all figured out with, especially suddenly like I did, really knocks you down.  I like where I'm going right now.  My job is great, I work with a wonderful team of folks, my boss is insanely supportive and encouraging.  My friends are terrific and my family continue to be just huge rock stars in my life.  They love and support me unconditionally and I would be lost without them.

On August 16, 2015, as I walked in the house, alone for the first time, I could not have imagined where I would be three years later.  At that moment, imaging three hours later was almost impossible.  I say all of the time, that you never ever get over a loss like mine but you can get through it.  I'm living proof that this is true.

So, today is CanCon Thursday and I'm going to share a song today that I've shared here before (a while ago) because there isn't one thing that I don't love about it and the video is terrific (reminds me of our many trips to Montreal, wandering the streets after a concert, looking for a spot where Mark could smoke a sneaky joint while we walked) and it's just a perfect pop song.  Thank you Stars, for "From the Night."  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and remember, hug your loved ones, tell them how you feel about them, all the fucking time.  You never ever know what might happen when you least expect it.  xo