Hello 2021

Here we are again, right on the edge of a new year. Last year, I remember thinking about how 2019 started out on a sad note for me (my sweet Gracie died on January 2) but ended on a high note as I got to spend New Year's Eve with my new love. I was excited about the New Year for the first time in a few years. Of course, that excitement was short lived. Could you have even imagined how much our lives would change this year? I couldn't... 

People really are resilient. I think that whenever (rarely) I leave the house and see folks wearing masks, lining up at safe distances, doing the things that we need to do to keep safe. It's not been easy but somehow we dragged ourselves through it. 2020 was probably (globally) one of the most traumatic years in recent memory. Always a glass half full kind of gal, I have spent some time over the past couple of days thinking about the good things that happened:

• My dad had successful valve replacement surgery and has kicked ass with his recovery and rehab
• My mom just celebrated 5 years of being cancer free
• Everyone in my family and in my group of close friends has remained safe and healthy during this pandemic
• I was able to do some small home improvement projects this year
• In September, for the first time, I purchased a car on my own (the only other time I have purchased vehicles was with Mark and I left a lot of it to him)

Also, unlike many folks, I have had the privilege of working remotely since March. My employer has been wonderful throughout this strange time. I feel very well supported by our senior administration as well as my colleagues and know exactly how lucky I am to be employed full time right now. I really never imagined that I would have the discipline to work at home. The ritual of getting up, going into the office, seeing folks in person, these were things I always felt that I'd need to be able to be productive in my job. Instead, I discovered that I'm more focused and (weirdly) more organized working remotely. I know that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for working from home but I'm quite enjoying it (and not having to think about warming up the car and shoveling snow at 6 a.m. is an added bonus)!

Me, working remotely, photo by Bill.

Because I've been working remotely, I was able to spend a lot more time in British Columbia this year than I would ever imagined possible. I know that many folks in long distance relationships have had to remain separated due to travel bans. We're so lucky to have been able to spend the whole summer together and to be together now.  During the summer, because we're in a rural area on a large property, friends were able to visit as we could safely gather outside. While we were always conscious of keeping our distances and doing things safely, it felt almost normal to be able to sit together on the patio or go to the beach and I'm so grateful for that.

The holidays have been weird. It's been strange not seeing people, having fun gatherings, dressing up for parties and dinners... Around here, we embraced the quiet. Many days have been spent wearing pjs, countless movies have been watched, many many snacks have been eaten and a lot of sleeping has been enjoyed.

As the holidays wind down and the new year starts, I'm feeling very fortunate... lucky to be in a wonderful relationship, to have my health, a job I enjoy, a loving and supportive family and wonderful friends. I'm hoping that in 2021, I'll actually be able to see the people I love again and hug them tightly. That's all I really want for this year. 

I don't care about what people think of me

I'm fucked up as it is but we've got so much time to kill

And so many things to see

Life's too short to worry about things that we got wrong

So hug all your friends and let them know

You're not letting go

I won't let go

It's Almost 2020

At the beginning of 2019 I was really uncertain about how my year would go.

I spent the last few weeks of 2018 caring for my sweet sheltie Gracie. She passed away on January 2 so the start of the year, and the end of 2018 was quite sad for me.  I mean, you'd think I'd be use to sadness and loss, given that I'd dealt with the loss of Mark in 2015 and Sam in 2017.

Not quite half way through the year, something quite remarkable happened. I reconnected with a dear old friend and many things started to shift in my life. I'd first met this friend almost 30 years ago and we hadn't seen each other since the late 1990's. Because of email and social media, we'd always sort of stayed in touch. He was someone I'd always had a crush on but never told a soul. Apparently, he'd felt the same way about me and finally had the guts to tell me this year. Over the years, until the past couple of years anyway, we had never both been single at the same time so there wasn't much reason to confess our feelings I guess. He's the reason I made 3 trips to British Columbia this year. It's funny, we're both in our 50's now but inside, I still feel a bit like the indie rock girl I was back then, and he still feels a bit like the punk rock boy he was. Life is weird but you can find happiness at any age if you're open to it.

I'm looking forward to spending tonight with him, saying goodbye to 2019 (which turned out to be a very good year for me!) and welcoming in 2020. Finding a new love with an old friend is a wonderful thing kids.

Wishing you all the best things for the New Year, health, happiness and so much fun xo

Don't let go of my hand

Now darkness has gone

This will be our year

Took a long time to come

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone.

I've been taking an unplanned / unscheduled break from the blog to deal with some personal things. 

I spent New Years Eve the same way I'm spending New Years Day, with my sweet wee sheltie girl, Gracie. It was peaceful and quiet and involved us both being glued to our seats as we indulged in a binge session of recent episodes of Ray Donovan.  We are almost completely caught up on season 6.  Some folks don't believe that dogs watch TV but Gracie does.  Either that or she just really enjoys hanging out with me.  I know I love spending time with her so if that's the case, the feeling is incredibly mutual.

I wish you peace, health and happiness for 2019. Regular posts will return soon, I promise xo

Watch out 2018

Happy New Year to you.

Happy New Year from Gracie and me

Did you enjoy the holidays? Was 2017 a good year for you?  Due to the deep freeze we've been in this week, I spent a good chunk of the holidays at home and that gave me time to reflect upon the year.  I had some really awesome things happen during 2017 and some completely devastating things happen too.

Losing Sam was definitely the toughest thing I had to deal with.  The full impact of it still hasn't hit me yet I don't think.  I've been a bit of a crying machine the entire time I've been off for the holidays the past week and a bit and I know it's because I miss him so much.  A lot of stuff I thought I'd dealt with around Mark's death came back in full force that week I was saying goodbye to my Sammy.  I love that quote that is often attributed to Queen Elizabeth about how grief is the price we pay for love.  It's true.

The good things in 2017 were plenty.  Lots of good music, live and recorded came into my life this year.  I made some wonderful new friends and enjoyed spending a lot of time with them.  I also saw a lot more of my old friends.  I intentionally sought folks out and was so happy I did.  I reconnected with some amazing people.  I am so lucky to have so many wonderful, smart, funny people in my life.  The year had a lot of laughter in it. 

I worked pretty hard this year too, both at my job and at things in my personal life.  I feel like, despite my bereavement, I'm staring 2018 from a position of strength.  I'm not a person who is big on resolutions but I have made some plans which I've put into motion and coincidentally that is happening at the beginning of the year. 

Things feel like they are off to a good start.  Fingers crossed, they'll keep on going that way.  xo