Saw this video last week and it's powerful message has stuck with me for days now.
I urge you to watch it. Please stick with it until the end and share it after you have watched.
So often, messages like this seem to be "preaching to the choir" - this is a message I would love to see shared far and wide.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
Super Sam
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| Smiley Sammy, Easter Weekend 2008 |
7 years!! How did that happen?? It feels like yesterday and forever at the same time.
He was a 7 month old puppy who was being re-homed by his original guardians. They had a baby on the way and didn’t feel that they could adequately care for two dogs and a baby. We sure lucked out.
We picked him up, after dark, the Thursday of Easter Weekend. Looking back, we had purchased a bed, blanket, collar, tags, leash and food for him (and some toys) to prepare for his arrival but we seriously had no idea what we were getting in for.
Unbeknownst to us, Sam had never worn a collar or been on a leash. I put his collar and leash on him and as soon as we got outside, he slipped out of it and took off. Across the icy lawn, in the dark. Fortunately, he came back to us with very little coaxing. I held him in my lap for the ride home. The dark and the passing lights seemed to frighten him during the 15 minute drive to our house. It could have been the car ride too, or the fact that some folks he didn’t know very well were taking him away somewhere.
Mark carried Sam into the house (we were not taking another chance the collar/leash until we were in the daylight again) and Sam proceeded to take a giant poop in the middle of the living room. I’m not surprised, he must have been terrified. After the poop though, he wandered around the house sniffing everything he could.
That was a long night for all three of us. I don’t think any of us slept. We spent the rest of the weekend trying to figure each other out. We sure made a lot of mistakes along the way but Sam didn’t seem to be too bothered by them. Lucky for us.
We love you sweet Sammy and are so happy to have you in our family. Thanks for 7 years of fun and tummy rubs and white hair everywhere.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Sweet Gracie
Some folks call it "gotcha day" but around our house, we call the day that our dogs joined our family their "barkaversary." 6 years ago today, our sweet sheltie, Gracie, joined our family. Sam had been with us since March that year and was suffering from separation anxiety whenever we went to work. For those of you who doubt that dogs can have anxiety, I have photos of the destruction he caused because of it.Once Gracie came on the scene, Sam never tore up another piece of furniture or carpeting. The two of them were instantly best buddies. We were really lucky it worked out that way. In our case, two dogs were no more work than one, on some levels, two dogs are easier than just one.
She's such a sweet girl. A wannabe momma doggie who herds us around and wants to take care of us when we're sick. Today I was home sick with a nasty bug and she never left my side. Nurse Gracie was on duty.
Happy Barkaversary Gracie, we love you more than you love bacon!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
5 years
5 years ago today, Gracie came home with us. She was a tiny, frightened, timid girl. When I carried her into the yard that first time and introduced her to Sam, she started to relax a little.
It took a long time for her to be completely comfortable with us. In her previous home, I think she was yelled at. A lot. She's a sensitive girl and that must have been very difficult for her.
Five years later, she's evolved into a brave, confident girl. Gracie struts around the house and yard with her tail high and swinging. A working dog, she likes to be the boss and tries very hard to herd us whenever she can. She's also very sweet and if she likes you, won't leave your side if she can help it.
Happy Anniversary Gracie. It's been a wonderful five years. Thank you, so much, for adopting us. We love you.
It took a long time for her to be completely comfortable with us. In her previous home, I think she was yelled at. A lot. She's a sensitive girl and that must have been very difficult for her.
Five years later, she's evolved into a brave, confident girl. Gracie struts around the house and yard with her tail high and swinging. A working dog, she likes to be the boss and tries very hard to herd us whenever she can. She's also very sweet and if she likes you, won't leave your side if she can help it.
Happy Anniversary Gracie. It's been a wonderful five years. Thank you, so much, for adopting us. We love you.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sam in pre-bark mode
. Sam can go from zero to bat-shit crazy barking in the blink of the eye
. other times, he's on a slow boil and I can tell when he's going to get loose and bark
. he doesn't bark for the sake of barking
. Sam barks with purpose, usually to let folks walking on the sidewalk in front of our house know that they don't have his permission to be on his sidewalk
. Sam also barks at our asshole next door neighbours
. I think he knows that we don't like them any more than he does
. his fur is starting to grow back. he is looking a little bit less like a baby lamb every day
. our office barbecue yesterday was fun. the weather was gorgeous, I laughed a lot, it was a nice break from the usual Wednesday afternoon stuff
. I was saddened to hear about this this morning. Going through the process for an international adoption is difficult at the best of times. What's going to happen to the 500 families and potential adopted children, who are now in limbo?
. other times, he's on a slow boil and I can tell when he's going to get loose and bark
. he doesn't bark for the sake of barking
. Sam barks with purpose, usually to let folks walking on the sidewalk in front of our house know that they don't have his permission to be on his sidewalk
. Sam also barks at our asshole next door neighbours
. I think he knows that we don't like them any more than he does
. his fur is starting to grow back. he is looking a little bit less like a baby lamb every day
. our office barbecue yesterday was fun. the weather was gorgeous, I laughed a lot, it was a nice break from the usual Wednesday afternoon stuff
. I was saddened to hear about this this morning. Going through the process for an international adoption is difficult at the best of times. What's going to happen to the 500 families and potential adopted children, who are now in limbo?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
relative choices
I have a few friends who have either adopted children or who are in the process of adopting a child or who are adopted themselves. I saw this on the New York Times website this morning and enjoyed it. I really like Tama Janowitz too, which is what drew me to the article in the first place. The relative choices blog can be found here: http://relativechoices.blogs.nytimes.com/
The Real Thing
By Tama Janowitz
My husband Tim and I adopted our daughter Willow, who is now 12, from China when she was 9 months old. We were told by the adoption agency that once the process was complete and the three of us were back home, many people would stop to inquire about our daughter’s Mongolian features or why she did not look like us.
It may be that having a child of a different ethnic background from yourself is more difficult in other parts of the country. And certainly that may lead to problems. But In my neighborhood in Brooklyn I see black women with half-Asian, half-black kids and I see kids with dark skin and blond hair — the mother is white, the father is not.
There are Indian fathers and Caucasian mothers with their offspring. There are families with two dads. There are also Hasidic families with ten kids and Muslim women dressed in full burkas who have dressed their daughters the same way.
So here in New York City, we haven’t attracted too much attention.
Well, O.K., sometimes.
It is true when she was a baby, if I took her out on my own, sometimes people did ask me, “Is the father Chinese?” If I said “yes” the usual response was “Good for you!” This puzzled me, so then I just said, “Either Chinese, or some black dude – who can remember?”
But as always, if you don’t have one kind of problem, you will automatically be given another.
There are more than enough for seconds! Even fifths!
One thing I figure, whether adopted, mixed race, religious, non-religious, whether your child is biological, whether you send her to Hebrew school or piano lessons – there is no one who does not resent his or her parents, We all have this in common.
Indeed, it may be what makes us human.
Everyone feels they are doing the best possible job as a parent. But apart from the most obvious types of abuse, there is little that is clear-cut in regard to child rearing. Some discipline their kids and refuse to allow them to go to school dressed in a tutu. Others allow them to eat McDonald’s. Even if your house is tidy, this could be a mistake in child-rearing! So could being a vegetarian! Or serving meat!
A girlfriend who is now on the waiting list for a child from Ethiopia says that the talk of her adoption group is a recently published book in which many Midwestern Asian adoptees now entering their 30s and 40s complain bitterly about being treated as if they did not come from a different cultural background. They feel that this treatment was an attempt to blot out their differences, and because of this, they resent their adoptive parents.
So in a way it is kind of nice to know as a parent of a child, biological or otherwise – whatever you do is going to be wrong. Like I say to Willow: “Well, you know, if you were still in China you would be working in a factory for 14 hours a day with only limited bathroom breaks!”
And she says — as has been said by children since time immemorial — “So what, I don’t care. I would rather do that than be here anyway.”
My friend has a biological kid who said one day, “I hate you.” She cried and cried and told the child how deeply hurt she was.
I have heard those words, too, and my child is not biological. Like, I care? Hate me or love me, I am her mother and she knows it and since she is not getting a reaction out of me she almost immediately revises her opinion.
Is it my fault she is still angry because I kept coming home with another dog? I would have been thrilled, if I was a kid, to have six poodles! How was I supposed to know she would turn out to be the type who didn’t like dogs? And she says even if she did like dogs, she only likes mixed breeds!
“You should keep a list of everything I’ve done to you,” I have often suggested, “That way, later, you can read it to your therapist. Otherwise you might forget.”
Sometimes I think, Well, maybe I should be more of a disciplinarian. But what am I going to do, lock her in her room? She has an ensuite bath, a computer, cell phone and a game boy and if I say, I will take those away she says, “So what, who cares?”
Same with TV privileges. “Go watch TV!” I tell her.
“No, I don’t want to.”
“You will watch TV, young lady.” It’s no use.
I know that there are some women who have given birth who believe that the type of love they have for their child is more intense, more real, than the love I have for my kid, because they hatched it themselves. This argument makes no sense to me. After all, the fathers (until recently) never could be sure that it was their sperm that made them the dad.
You might as well say, “Listen, Daddy-O, you had ten minutes max of involvement in the creation biz, and you didn’t even get to pre-approve the winning sperm, And if your kid is the product of the fastest sperm in the bunch, that is just plain pitiful. How could you care about the child?”
However I would no more say this than ask someone with a baby if they were certain the father was human.
I also know women who never really bonded with their kid – biological, or adopted.
I figure, Willow, she’s my kid, she just got here differently. I don’t remember floating around in my mother’s womb, or coming out of the vaginal canal – but I still know that person is my mother, even if she is a little off.
And my kid knows I’m her real mother.
Not biological, but real. It doesn’t get any realer than this.
The Real Thing
By Tama Janowitz
My husband Tim and I adopted our daughter Willow, who is now 12, from China when she was 9 months old. We were told by the adoption agency that once the process was complete and the three of us were back home, many people would stop to inquire about our daughter’s Mongolian features or why she did not look like us.
It may be that having a child of a different ethnic background from yourself is more difficult in other parts of the country. And certainly that may lead to problems. But In my neighborhood in Brooklyn I see black women with half-Asian, half-black kids and I see kids with dark skin and blond hair — the mother is white, the father is not.
There are Indian fathers and Caucasian mothers with their offspring. There are families with two dads. There are also Hasidic families with ten kids and Muslim women dressed in full burkas who have dressed their daughters the same way.
So here in New York City, we haven’t attracted too much attention.
Well, O.K., sometimes.
It is true when she was a baby, if I took her out on my own, sometimes people did ask me, “Is the father Chinese?” If I said “yes” the usual response was “Good for you!” This puzzled me, so then I just said, “Either Chinese, or some black dude – who can remember?”
But as always, if you don’t have one kind of problem, you will automatically be given another.
There are more than enough for seconds! Even fifths!
One thing I figure, whether adopted, mixed race, religious, non-religious, whether your child is biological, whether you send her to Hebrew school or piano lessons – there is no one who does not resent his or her parents, We all have this in common.
Indeed, it may be what makes us human.
Everyone feels they are doing the best possible job as a parent. But apart from the most obvious types of abuse, there is little that is clear-cut in regard to child rearing. Some discipline their kids and refuse to allow them to go to school dressed in a tutu. Others allow them to eat McDonald’s. Even if your house is tidy, this could be a mistake in child-rearing! So could being a vegetarian! Or serving meat!
A girlfriend who is now on the waiting list for a child from Ethiopia says that the talk of her adoption group is a recently published book in which many Midwestern Asian adoptees now entering their 30s and 40s complain bitterly about being treated as if they did not come from a different cultural background. They feel that this treatment was an attempt to blot out their differences, and because of this, they resent their adoptive parents.
So in a way it is kind of nice to know as a parent of a child, biological or otherwise – whatever you do is going to be wrong. Like I say to Willow: “Well, you know, if you were still in China you would be working in a factory for 14 hours a day with only limited bathroom breaks!”
And she says — as has been said by children since time immemorial — “So what, I don’t care. I would rather do that than be here anyway.”
My friend has a biological kid who said one day, “I hate you.” She cried and cried and told the child how deeply hurt she was.
I have heard those words, too, and my child is not biological. Like, I care? Hate me or love me, I am her mother and she knows it and since she is not getting a reaction out of me she almost immediately revises her opinion.
Is it my fault she is still angry because I kept coming home with another dog? I would have been thrilled, if I was a kid, to have six poodles! How was I supposed to know she would turn out to be the type who didn’t like dogs? And she says even if she did like dogs, she only likes mixed breeds!
“You should keep a list of everything I’ve done to you,” I have often suggested, “That way, later, you can read it to your therapist. Otherwise you might forget.”
Sometimes I think, Well, maybe I should be more of a disciplinarian. But what am I going to do, lock her in her room? She has an ensuite bath, a computer, cell phone and a game boy and if I say, I will take those away she says, “So what, who cares?”
Same with TV privileges. “Go watch TV!” I tell her.
“No, I don’t want to.”
“You will watch TV, young lady.” It’s no use.
I know that there are some women who have given birth who believe that the type of love they have for their child is more intense, more real, than the love I have for my kid, because they hatched it themselves. This argument makes no sense to me. After all, the fathers (until recently) never could be sure that it was their sperm that made them the dad.
You might as well say, “Listen, Daddy-O, you had ten minutes max of involvement in the creation biz, and you didn’t even get to pre-approve the winning sperm, And if your kid is the product of the fastest sperm in the bunch, that is just plain pitiful. How could you care about the child?”
However I would no more say this than ask someone with a baby if they were certain the father was human.
I also know women who never really bonded with their kid – biological, or adopted.
I figure, Willow, she’s my kid, she just got here differently. I don’t remember floating around in my mother’s womb, or coming out of the vaginal canal – but I still know that person is my mother, even if she is a little off.
And my kid knows I’m her real mother.
Not biological, but real. It doesn’t get any realer than this.
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