Friday, August 15, 2008
ready for a tummy rub
The death of my cousin has bothered me a lot more than I thought it would. I guess I figured that because she'd been so sick, for so long, that when the time finally came, I'd be okay (or as okay as you are in these situations). Right now though, I think I feel a little bit relieved. See, this afternoon, we went to the visitation and I saw her husband and parents for the first time since she'd died. I hadn't actually seen them in a while and it was tough. See, her parents are my godparents, her dad is my mum's oldest brother and I knew that when I saw him, I'd lose it. I promised myself I wouldn't but when I hugged him, I totally lost my composure on him. He just laughed when I said, "I promised myself I wouldn't do this" because I think everyone was saying that to him. He's been a rock through all of this stuff. I hope that in a few days, he can collapse into a puddle for a while (if that's what he needs - I think it's what I would need).
There were dozens of people there when we arrived. We stood in line for about an hour waiting to get into the room. By the time we were near the door way, we heard that they had started turning folks away and asking them to come back to the evening session. It was not something I'd ever seen before. Of course, all of her mum's siblings were there, with their children and grandchildren. I'd forgotten how large their family was. It was really overwhelming. Seeing my family though, did help and I feel like I'll be able to retain some semblance of cool tomorrow and keep things together. I'm not saying that I won't have dozens of tissues in my pockets but I think I'll be a little less rattled. I hope so anyway.