my heart is so heavy

I cannot believe that I have to say good bye to you, forever.

Sammy and Me

You were always my boy.  Always.  Gracie was Mark's girl and you were my boy.

You've been my constant snuggler, my seeker of tummy rubs, my elbow humper.

I love your big, beautiful, bright shining brown eyes and smile as wide as the ocean.

I'll miss your biscuit cream and white fur, the softest, sweetest smelling cotton ball fluff that attaches itself to anything and everything and caused me to invest in so many lint rollers over the years.

I absolutely cannot believe that I have to say good bye to you, forever.

Cancer is stealing you away from me, it's a fucking thief.  It took Mark already, why you too?

You don't like everyone but the folks you do connect with you love fiercely.

You absolutely love me.  Or at least you love the lady who gives you food and tummy rubs.

You are my protector, my defender, my barking jerkball at times.

How much time have I spent yelling at you and dragging your butt back into the house over the years because of your out of control barking at back yard intruders, real and imagined?

You live in the moment though so you never seemed bothered when I was upset and honestly, I couldn't stay upset at you for very long.

Sam, you were the first dog who ever owned my heart and I will love you forever.

I cannot believe that tomorrow, I will have to say good bye to you forever.

I am relieved that the medication I've been giving you has given you a good quality of life the past few weeks.

I am relieved that you're happy and oblivious to what is going on around you.

I am so delighted to see you smile and run toward me for a treat or a scratch, like you have since you were a puppy and came home with us for the first time.

I watched you last night and again this morning, from inside the kitchen, as you lay outside on the deck in your favourite spot, oblivious to the cold, enjoying your view, watching over your yard like you have done for years.

I am sorry that you're not going to see the snow again buddy.  Snow is just about your favourite thing.   You love to lay in it, eat it, run through it, roll in it, you're a regular snow boy and I almost can't believe that you're missing it this year.

Oh Sammy... my special nap buddy, my monkey bum boy, my wiggly butt guy, my stealth cookie dough stealer, my buddy and my best friend.  I love you Sam.

I love you now and will forever....my beautiful, sweet, goofy, brown eyed, fluffy butt boy.