I've said it before and I'll say it again: Friends who can make you laugh are worth their weight in chocolate:

Real women vs Martha Stewart:

Martha Stewart: You accidentally over-salt a dish while its still cooking drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix-me-up”

Real Women: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too damn bad. Please recite after me, the Real Women’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes”.
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Martha Stewart: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have a headache but who gives a shit?
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Martha Stewart: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
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Martha Stewart: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potatoes mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a Year.
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Martha Stewart: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Real Women: Go to the bakery. They will even decorate it for you.
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Martha Stewart: Brush some beaten egg whites over piecrust dough before baking it to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don’t do it.
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Martha Stewart: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women: Go ask that very cute guy next door to do it.
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Martha Stewart: Don’t throw out that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cube for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women: Leftover wine????

The entire city of Kingston is under construction at the moment.

Actually, the entire city is not under construction. Every major artery is though. It's lovely and oh so convenient. In a town where rush hour lasts five minutes this is causing major chaos for all involved. The Causeway that joins the city with the east end is basically shut down and will be for at least another six weeks. The alternate route for the Causeway folks is now under construction as building starts on the new Police Station on Montreal Street...I could go on but I think you get what I'm saying.

If I thought that the City was actually planning I'd say that they synched this with the new anti-smoking bylaw so that business owners wouldn't be sure whether the drop in customers is because of smoking or the traffic. Also, if they had to rip the city to shit, it's probably best to do it while no one is planning to come to Canada for holiday this year. It never ceases to amaze me, how the city planners can make a tourist town so inaccessible and still be surprised when no one comes to visit.

This-or-That Tuesday's Media Edition:

1. TV or radio?
TV

2. On the radio: talk or music station?
Talk, CBC Radio One.

3. Actual books or books-on-tape (or e-books)?
Actual, real books!

4. Actual newspaper, or web version?
Web versions. You don't get the ink on your fingers and you have access to more papers.

5. Wall Street Journal or National Enquirer?
National Enquirer.

6. TV news...news channel such as CNN, or your local broadcast news?
CBC Newsworld.

7. A movie you've been looking forward to seeing gets bad reviews all around. See it anyway, or pass?
I'll probably see it anyway.

8. See movies when they first come out, or wait a few weeks for the lines at the theater to get shorter?
Wait until they show up on the movie channel (we have digital cable).

9. TV: cable, satellite dish, or just plain old antenna?
Digital Cable (see above).

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: If you had to choose only one form of media to come into your home, which would you choose...print (newspapers, magazines) or electronic (TV, internet)? Why?
Internet, without question. It can offer you everything (print, radio, television) in one place.

I used to be amused...now I'm a little disgusted...

Maybe "disgusted" is a little strong...nauseous? mmm...not quite perfect. Shocked and saddened? Yeah! That works.

How can one of my heroes be engaged to Diana Krall? Elvis? What the hell are you thinking? I still can't believe that he and Cait O'Riordan split up. I must admit, I do have a couple of Diana Krall discs in my collection. I didn't purchase them but I have listened to them. I used to enjoy her "lite" jazz stylings but I find her boring now. She's not what I would call evolved, musically. She's found something that she can do which is popular, acceptable, non-offensive...stuff the folks can enjoy...and she's sticking with it. Not pushing the envelope, not really growing. I was disgusted by the television ads she appeared in last year. She seemed to be whoring herself a smidgen. I mean, her being in ad was not the same as Hank Rollins being an ad so that he can fund his publishing company with the proceeds. Hank's cool, Diana is bland...and how can Elvis, in his dreamy geekiness, be with someone as seemingly boring and uninspired as Diana Krall? My mum would say "she must have hidden talents" at a time like this ~shiver~ ...that's just not something I'd like to think about.

This is possibly the worst pairing I've heard of since Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts (wasn't he totally too good for her skanky ass?)!!

Oh Elvis, how could you?

This week's Friday Five is all about the tunes and all of these responses are subject to change on a dime to suit my mood!:

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
Copacabana by Barry Manilow is a quilty pleasure of mine.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
Soho Square by Kirsty MacColl and In My Life by the Beatles

3. Name three songs that turn you on.
So Like Candy - Elvis Costello
That Summer Feeling - Jonathan Richman
Isabel - Unrest

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.

There's A Guy Work's Down The Chip (Swears He's Elvis) - Kirsty MacColl
Across the Universe - The Beatles
I'm Always In Love - Wilco
Concrete Sky - Beth Orton

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
I couldn't possibly limit it to just five so here, randomly, are five off the top of my head (in no particular order):

Jonathan David - Belle & Sebastian
Edmonton - Carolyn Marks
Penthouse in the Woods - Scud Mountain Boys
Wilder Than Her - Fred Eaglesmith
Good Fruit - Hefner